School JokesFather: You were absent on the day of the test?
Son: No but the smart boy who sits next to me was.

Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine. So what’s so great about that?
It’s snowing outside!

I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn’t take algebra.

I’m not going back to school ever again.
Why not?
The teacher doesn’t know a thing; all she does is ask questions!

It’s clear, said the teacher, “That you haven’t studied your geography. What’s your excuse?”
“Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down.”

Marty: “He was kicked out of school for cheating!”
Wade: “How come?”
Marty: “He was caught counting his ribs in a biology exam.”

Mother: Come on John you have to get out of bed or you’ll be late for school.
John: Ahh mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
John: Give me a good reason
Mother: You’re 44 and you’re the Principal!

Mother: How was your first day at school?
Son: It was all right except for some man called “Teacher” who kept spoiling all our fun!

Mother: What did you learn in school today?
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write? Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!

Son: I can’t go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don’t feel well Father: Where don’t you feel well?
Son: In school.

Student: “I hear that fish is brain food.”
Roommate: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.”
Student” “Another theory disproved.”

Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!

Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Fred’s test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn’t see me either!

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload.

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here!

Teacher: Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
Pupil: Because they didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train!

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor?
Pupil: Because it can’t sit down.

Teacher: You copied from Fred’s exam paper didn’t you?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred’s paper says “I don’t know” and you have put “Me, neither”!

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn’t you?
Pupil: Not very much.

Tim: Miss would you yell at me for doing something I didn’t do?
Teacher: No.
Tim: Good, because I didn’t do my homework!

What’s the worst thing you’re likely to find in the school cafeteria?
The food!

Why aren’t you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

Wish I had been born 1000 years ago!
Why is that?
Just think of all the history that I wouldn’t have to learn.



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